Hurray

I have graduated from Law School and earned my J.D. and I have become a member of the Wisconsin Bar. All that makes me a full bloodied lawyer.

Here are a few million dollar question folks. I provide my opinion, let me hear yours...

1. When rekindling a relationship/or starting a new relationship, is it better to know everything about what transpired in between the break/or about the past? Or is it better to know little or nothing at all and focus solely on the future?

I personally think there is some balance to be struck, a little knowledge perhaps is useful to avoid awkward social situations, or to know if there may be any baggage to deal with. However too much knowledge can feed emotions of jealousy, pain and hate and lead to irrational behavior.

One of my friends takes the "past is dead to me" approach and just does not want to know anything. He says if he takes a girl out to a restaurant she may have been there on a date with someone else but she shouldn't tell him as it will suck all the joy out of the experience. He feels her past experiences are hers to treasure, just don't treasure them with him.

Another of my friends is of the opinion that there are a few things you may need to know, and once confronted with those things its either you can accept them and still embrace the relationship or you should just move on.

Me, I have experimented with both approaches and see the merits to both. Some say ignorance is bliss, but sometimes not knowing prevents you from addressing problems that will pop up later that could have been addressed. Also not knowing certain things could lead you to jump into a relationship that you shouldn't have jumped in. On the other hand knowing can fuel your fire of jealousy a bit, your imagination can run wild (especially if you are someone like me), and sometimes when you turn the pipe on, it flows too much because you just don't know exactly when to turn it off.

2. What happens when you are with someone who wants to know too much? Do you answer all their questions no matter how prodding they are, or do you draw the line because it can only lead to no good?

I believe that perhaps a little resistance is appropriate, but if he or she keeps insisting then perhaps its a signal to provide the truth or consider terminating the relationship. It's an awkward situation because not providing the truth fuels distrust even though you may have his or her interest at heart in not doing so.

I think one strategy to employ in such a situation is explaining why you don't want to disclose the information. Another strategy which I'm not fond of and don't employ is the tell a white lie strategy - the tell him or her what he or she wants to hear because he or she will never know different and it will provide peace of mind. The problem with that strategy is that it can and often does blow up in your face if he or she finds out otherwise.

Another strategy I believe to be perhaps the most effective is to deflect searching questions through reassuring the person of your feeling and commitment to them. In doing so there is what I believe to be a useful subtle difference between the sexes pointed out to me by one of my friends - the simplified concept is that girls mainly want to be appreciated and guys mainly want to be admired. My friend gave an example in the context of cheating - when a guy cheats a girl probably will be more immediately concerned whether his straying is a signal that he does not care about her anymore which then fuels her insecurities; while when a girl cheats a guy is probably more immediately concerned with it being a signal that there is someone better out there than him which then fuels his insecurities.

So ladies when a guy is behaving insecure, stroke his ego - let him think he is the best, he is irreplaceable, he is God's gift to the world, he is amazing, etc. And fellows when a girl is behaving insecure, stroke her heart - let her think you are always there, you always do these nice things, you are so caring and loving, etc.

3. What happens when you are the one who wants to know too much?

The answer to this one I'm most unclear about because when I think this way I'm usually possessed with a spirit of irrationality. I think focusing on the present not the future is one approach. Another option is to be honest with yourself that your questions are a bit too much.

The best option I think, and easier said than done, is to just be comfortable with the past and don't attach significance to it - when you add significance to it is when it has teeth. Drawing from Christianity - it is taught that it is fine to rebuke, but not to judge - judgment is a divine action (we are not gods) and is destructive in a world filled with so many different perspectives and moral scales. Let it go - separate the person from the action. If you cannot, then you should move on, but even then you do need to let go at some point because it will continue to hurt as long as you attach significance to the action. You may bury it in the surface of your mind, but it will resurface in the future in one context or other.

* So anyways I don't hold myself to be a relationship expert. I'm just presenting my take on such things and look forward to hearing differing opinions. I also think a lot of this stuff will always be messy no matter the strategies we adopt or aspire to adopt because we are only human after all.

Whats up?

How's it going my peoples? I wonder if I can go to a bar and find a bottle of motivation next to the bottles of rum, vodka, and tequilla, because I can sure use a shot of motivation. I'm here trying to finish school in the right fashion - I have two papers and a take home exam left to complete. After that I'll be out of law school and will be pretty much be a lawyer.

Dumb Shotta M Questions

1. Why is it that when you're elated you have to be on cloud 9? What is wrong with clouds 1 through 8, and clouds 10 through infinity?

2. Why is it that we run through minds and walk all over on hearts? Would it be appropriate to walk through a mind and appreciate its beauty? Would it be kinder to run quickly over a heart rather than leaving footprints all over? (inspired by Noonie).

3. If you can balance on that thin line between love and hate, does that mean you have the talent to become a professional acrobat?

4. Since love will set you free, is it safe to assume that those sitting behind prison bars are loveless or have nobody loving them?

Happy Birthday To Me!!

I ask all my friends who can't be physically present in my life to have an imaginary glass of wine with me to celebrate today!!

Love?

Love...what a fearsome word? Scary enough to make some wet their pants. I mean many people have expressed literally that "love hurts." I wonder which hurts more - a broken heart or a broken leg? And many of the metaphors used to describe "love"...well ouch they can be so painful. You must be a masochist to enjoy being pierced by any arrow including "Cupid's arrow". Or how about "falling in love"? Is the pain of such a fall like slipping in the bathroom, or stumbling down a flight of stairs, or plummeting from a sky scrapper?

When they talk about butterflies in your stomach, is that a reference to them, in their larval stage, crawling around in the yellow puss filled wounds caused by Cupids arrow? And whats with the "love bug". Who wants to come down with a flu and to be bedridden by anything, even if it is L to the O to the V to the E? Plus please tell me, why even open your heart to an emotion that will impair your vision, after all "love is blind."

As for the statement "Love conquers all" when will the imperialist emotion learn that you cannot conquer all through just brute force in the long-run. You also need to employ diplomacy... isn't that right Senators Obama and Clinton?

The words "I love you" or "I'm in love" should be banned. You must be wicked to share something as painful and violent as love with someone else, and you must have no regard for your being to place yourself in something as hurtful as love. Many say there is a thin line between love and hate, but perhaps there is no line whatsoever. I really want to find out who started the urban legend that "to have loved and lost, is better than to have never loved at all." He or she deserves to be tried before an ad hoc tribunal where a sentence of death has already been predetermined. Or better yet, maybe he or she should be sentenced to marriage - to be trapped in a union of love til "death do you part"; how painful that must be?

History is full of profound statements - for example "I think, therefore I am." Another profound statement is "why do fools fall in love?" The answer so plain and simple is that you must be a fool to bring something as painful as love unto yourself.

Anyways despite all I have said, this is my question to you - the world. If this love thing can hurt so bad, then why does it also feel so darn good?

Lauryn Hill also has asked the same question at the beginning of her song - when it hurts so bad.

10 Random Thoughts

1. She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me...I mean she said so.

2. Ouch that hurts.

3. Semester winding down, time to kick ass in my classes again.

4. God is watching over me, I thank him for my many blessings.

5. Say what you mean and mean what you say!!

6. Three main goals in my life - 1.) settle with and give the world to the love of my life (whoever she may be), 2.) be a wealthy and successful person and 3.) contribute to making the world a better place.

7. Midwest or The East Coast??

8. Please don't stop the music...

9. The weekend is almost here, yippee

10. Happy Happy Joy Joy - right Ren and Stimpy?